For You.

What’s happening to me?

Amanda I don’t know what is happening to me. I love you so much, endlessly, words cannot even describe how much I love you! Tonight we Skyped and I know something’s wrong. I don’t know what it is panda, but I’m begging you, please tell me! Tell me so we can work it out, tell me so I can do my best to make you happy, my biggest goal. Amanda seeing you happy is the best thing in the world to me. I can’t stop crying tonight, I have no motivation to do anything. I want to quit baseball, I don’t even want to practice lacrosse, I don’t know what’s happening. I think I’m finally realizing that you’re leaving in 90 days. 90 days panda. I want to love you forever, you’re the best thing that’s ever happend in my life. Every day I’m with you is the best day of my life. That leaves me with 90 days, 90 best days of my life I could ever possibly ask for. I want to spend every remaining day with you, do things we’ve always wanted to do, I want to spend my last 90 happy days with you. I have so much I need to release to you, and I need to do it now. I wanted to sneak out tonight to be with you and talk, but I understand you don’t want to get in trouble. So we both agreed we can take a walk tomorrow, I need this panda. I’m going to end up crying in front of you, something i’ve never done, but I can’t hold it back any more. I can’t even imagine losing the best thing in my life, you, but it’s going to happen. I love you so much Amanda, and I will do whatever it takes to be with you. Graduating early wasn’t just a random idea, it’s so I can go to college now, maybe in Chicago, to be close to you. To be honest, my parents can’t even afford to send me to college, im going to pay for it myself. So I decided I need to do what is best for me, not what my parents want me to do. I need to get away, and live life. I want to be with you Amanda, and tomorrow I’m going to talk to you about all of this. My plans on how to stay with you. And if you agree with me, I promise you I will make it happen. I’m committed to being with you Amanda, all I need is your okay to follow through with my plans. Let me know panda :)

Got to hang out with you tonight I’m so so so happy :) We went to Alec’s basketball game, then went to watch Sherlock Holmes 2 and you said it was boing haha. But don’t feel bad, I thought it was too! Then we went to Starbucks, and decided not to stay there. So I took you to the spot I’ve always wanted to take you to. The spot we can go to whenever we just need to get away from the world. If I could I lay down with you and cuddle forever and ever and ever, and just look at the stars. I was so happy you loved it, and you don’t know how happy I was to see you smiling, non stop. I just smiled whenever you said no other guy would ever do something so sweet. It made me feel like I’m being a good boyfriend. I wish I could take you so many places, do so many fun things, spend every second I possibly can with you :) Back to the story, I took you home and just didn’t want to leave! I wanted to just hug you right there and never stop! I left, and guess where I went? I went right back to the spot. I just sat there and had some thinking time. I just have a feeling that when you leave, I’m going to go back to that spot, everyday. I’ll lay there and think of us, how much I love you, and how amazing you are! The other day I was trying to tell you I love hanging out with you any time possible. It’s really true you know, I’d rather hang out with you than do anything else. I figure I need to spend as much time as possible with you, because the time I have with you is limited. Time’s flying by so fast Panda. I wanted to cry so bad when you told me at the basketball game that you’re going to be crying that whole month that you leave. I’m telling you, please don’t do that. I’ve had my fair share of nights I didn’t sleep at all because all I could do is listen to depressing music and cry. You’re the most amazing girl ever, be happy wittle panda!! :) That’s all I have to release for tonight, hopefully tomorrow (well technically tonight its 12:37 am haha ) you finish your homework so we can bring a blanket and warm clothing and just lay down and stare at the stars for a couple hours. I feel I have so much to tell you, but I want to be alone with you when I say it! Hopefully we can do that tomorrow(tonight)! :))))

This Friday will be such an amazing day wittle panda. It’s the day I plan to take you out, just lay down, look at the stars and forget the world :) I can’t wait! I told you about the idea and you said you really want to, i’m so so so so so exited! Just me and you, nothing to worry about! Love you Amanda :)